She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
