dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
