I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
