I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
