I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he was CRYING into my vagina
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
