I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
