Cold hands, warm shart.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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