Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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