It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
