Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You made out with two different species that night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
