Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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