Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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