you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
True strength comes from lack of pants
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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