He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
