I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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