just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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