"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
love makes seman taste better
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
