I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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