If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
