Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
