If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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