Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You took a bar mat shot.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
