East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
