im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
