i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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