I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
