Taylor Swift is so right about you.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
