I got chris browned last night
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
