Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
