Banned from zoo.
Again?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
