I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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