Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
