who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I need a burrito and a hug.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
