her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
