Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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