I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
