I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize