He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize