From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
