your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
