I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
