pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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