Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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