Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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