My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Boobs speak an international language.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
