You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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