I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
