Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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