Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
