when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
