I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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