I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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