I smell stomach acid.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
