3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
