I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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