I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
