i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
