i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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