just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
