my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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