This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
