so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
