we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
