it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
