i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
