after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
