Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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