my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
