I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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