I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
