Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
