He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
